Using art-healing around dating

Or, "How i use art-healing to help me through the dating blues"

Given what's going on in my life right now, i've decided to get really personal and write about my latest dating experience (without getting into the details) and how I use art-healing to help me through the frustrations, heart ache, and confusion.

I've been dating a guy for about 4 months, on and off. Its a very frustrating situation because we don't communicate or see each other that often (maybe twice a month). But the most frustrating thing is he's one of those guys who just doesn't know how to communicate. Lets face it, women are so much better at expressing their emotions then men. Now I know that some people might think thats a little sexist, but in this society, women are taught at a very young age to feel and express emotions and to care about the emotions of others; while men are taught not to express their feelings, or even acknowledge them, since that would be wimpy and unmanly.

Being utterly frustrated by this man, I've been writing in my art-journal like crazy. I've probably created 10 new pieces of artwork and definitely written one song because of this guy. I'd call him my Muse if I were weren't so totally confused by him.

Every time I have a date with this guy I end up having to spew out my confusion or bewilderment in some form or another. And since I don't want to completely alienate my friends, I need a personal outlet to do that. And that's where art healing has helped me so much. Art healing has helped me figure out what I'm really feeling underneath the frustration and confusion.

I've used different art expressions over the past months, depending on how I'm feeling or what I'm dealing with. Some of my artwork around this man has been happy and positive. Most of it has not.

Art Journaling
When I really need to figure out why I'm feeling the negative stuff, I tend to write in my art journal. This techniques allows me to get all my thoughts (many of them muddled and foggy) onto paper where i can have a good clear look at them.

Often times I start out in an angry tone asking "why is he like this, why did he do that?" etc. And by the time I'm done writing, I'm asking myself, "why does this bother me so much," or "why do i think i need that type of validation from him." (Any good healing art process is going to bring you back to yourself: to who are you are, what you really feel, and what you really need from yourself.)

Word Collage
Another type of art-healing i've been doing around this whole dating situation is word-collage, which consists of cutting out words from magazines and rearranging them until I come up with something that expresses what I'm feeling. For this, I keep a folder of words that I've cut out of various magazines. I simply grab a hand-full of them, pick and choose several of the words, and rearrange them until something clicks. After pasting them down in my art book, I look for images to go with the sentence, or I draw and color in the page.

Song Lyrics
Another favorite art healing technique I use is song lyrics. There are so many wonderful songs out there. And we all have our favorites. I'll think of one song that really touches on what I'm feeling, find the lyrics online, print them out, cut and paste into my art journal, and while listening to the song over and over, scribble in the margins, color in the white spaces, paste stickers around the edges, etc. Note: With this technique its best to pick a song that leaves you feeling powerful or hopeful. You don't want to pick one that talks about how you'll be broken hearted forever and simply can't live without him. (That is not art healing; that is self-torture).

The art example shown here is a very easy one to create. I recieved the flower background in a mailer and kept it because I liked the artwork. I downloaded the lyrics of Alanis Morressette's song "That I Would Be Good" from the internet and glued it to the mailer. Then I hung it near my computer where I could read it on a daily basis as a reminder that I am a good person despite what's (or who's) going on in my life. Doing art for healing doesn't need to be complicated or hard, it can be as simple as this example.

So, those are a few art healing techniques that I use to deal with tough issues like dating. I hope this gives you a bit of an idea of how creating art can help you through the rough patches in your life. Its not about being an artist, its about getting the emotions out into the open where you can see them, acknowledge them, and release them.

You're probably asking yourself why I would choose to keep dating this guy if he frustrates me so much. I can't tell you the answer to that one. I guess I need to just keep doing the art healing thing and eventually i will figure it out. At which point I will either be able to let my frustrations go, or let him go.

Until next time, remember that there is no right or wrong way in self-help art healing; there is only experimentation and exploration, learning and laughing, coloring and crying, pasting and humming..."